When do I go? when is the right time? Why am I still here in the USA?
Is this latter day Rome? Are we just waiting for the fall?
Why do my family and friends think that...you know get your passport in order and be ready, in case they are wrong...but no need to do anything now?
Am I here because it is cooler or the standard of living (materialistically) is better?
Why do I need to write on this blog at all? What will I accomplish?
Am I just exacerbating my frustration? Am I fooling myself?
Will I never go voluntarily? What keeps me here?
I yearn to live in a place where I am not the minority and have to endure other holidays and that my town does not even have a Kosher Butcher etc.
I want to feel a part of real Judaism and my "Shul" just doesn't seem to cut it.
I want to feel that we are more important then "they" are and that Jewish responsibilities always supersede assimilated events and values.
My children understand and appreciate morality, but how can I even be a little sure the people they come in contact will share any of their values or morals?
Is HaShem hardening my heart? Is HaShem making me earn my portion in Israel?
When will my children say Daddy, why do we live here and not home in Israel? Why must we continue to defend ourselves from the assimilated and the proselytizers.
Why do we learn about another countries history and people and not our own in school?
Daddy, why did you send me to a school full of thuggish people and druggies?
The my wife looks at me and says why would we want to live in Israel? So hot and we have no friends or family. How can I guarantee that people there will be nicer there than here? How?
Where do I find the strength to make this decision? From HaShem...I hope so?
I guess I will ask?
Avi
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